How to Respect Yourself.

“Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolised .” Albert Einstein

They say respect is reciprocal true, across all races, cultures, sex or age groups a desire for respect is common. We all want to be respected and valued but do we offer the people around us the same courtesy.

Here are five ways you could respect people and ultimately yourself.

(1) Respect  People’s Boundaries or Wishes.

suu

“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners.” Laurence sterne

Having attended a boarding school and living in the hostel as a student in the university, one thing I have learnt is to give people their personal space, if someone says nobody should use my bucket or nobody should use my stuffs without my permission I think its sheer courtesy to actually obey their wishes, this does not mean you are afraid of them but rather that you are willing to make room for their wishes.

Some individuals do not like to be touched, everyone has boundaries especially when cohabiting with others whether it is being in a student hostel or living with your siblings, if someone says don’t wear my clothes, use or go through my things without my permission, respect their wishes.

(2) Don’t  Look Down on People

“I speak to everyone in the same way whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” Albert Einstein.

Everyone around you has a quota to contribute, someone has to drive you around (e.g. public transportation) and someone has to sell newspapers or deliver your mail. All these people are relevant to you because they supply your needs in form of Goods and services. You being a managing director or CEO does not mean you should look down on others within or outside where you work.

“A person is a person no matter how small.” Dr Seuss

It’s too easy to feel you are better than the next person, when you see people who are not up to your standard, how do you treat them, do you treat them with disdain or respect. It’s true there can be no equal society but there are equal rights and everyone is entitled to a little respect.

 (3) Don’t Intimidate People

sta 

No one likes to be bullied, for example when you intimidate people especially in a work place environment, what you are saying is the people who you work with or supervise are incompetent and incapable of doing their work unless you push them around like puns on a chess board. And sometimes intimidating people comes from a place of deep insecurity where you believe to get respect you have to be intimidating to others. This behavior does not show value or respect for those around you be it friends, family or co-workers.

(4) Don’t Manipulate People

Everyone likes to be the smartest guy in the room but being the smartest guy in the room doesn’t mean you should use it to hurt others. There are different kinds of manipulations, some use tears and emotions to get people to do what they want, others use tricky and the list is endless. If you want something come out straight and ask for it, no one wants to be used. And if you are rejected, walk away like an honourable person.

(5) Respecting Peoples Opinion or Choices.

“Have a big enough heart to love unconditionally, and a broad enough mind to embrace the difference that make each of us unique.”  D.B Harrop

Everyone has a right to his or her opinion; one of the greatest forms of respect is to see the next human as rational and capable of having their own belief system. Am not saying you have to agree with what they believe in but when you tear down people for their views you demoralize them, rather if you have an argument with the way someone around you acts or the things they believe in, just present your case to them and if they don’t listen let them be.

If we value ourselves we ought to value others, as much as possible present and conduct your-self in a manner worthy of respect, irrespective of your social status, gender, religion,race or culture.

Thanks for reading this post, if there are other ways people do not show respect feel free to leave a comment and contribute to this post

you can also read my post on LOVING YOURSELF.

 

Advertisements

10 Relationship lessons to imbibe in 2018.

4068553-valentine-heart-with-arrow-rose-with-diamond-ring-stock-photo-red

1). Relationship books can serve as guiding systems but they don’t answer all relationship questions.

 

2). Relationships do not cure all forms of loneliness; you have to sort that yourself.

 

3). No matter how knowledgeable you are in the area of relationship you will still have lapses you have to work on.

Continue reading “10 Relationship lessons to imbibe in 2018.”

Feeling stuck? 8 ways to renew your mind


Sometimes I wonder why I learn something and after a while of trying to incorporate it into my life I give up. I realized that to win in life persistence is necessary. You have to constantly renew you minds with positive thoughts. I attend  seminars and read several self-help books on determination, discipline, emotional stability etc. but somehow each time I hit a road block in practicing what I have learnt I give up and say these things are only realistic in books, cliché right?

PERSONAL GROWTH

personal-growth
snacknation.com

 

They say change is the only constant thing in life, whether we like it or not as the years go by change occurs in our lives from changes in our attitude towards life, to changes in how we relate with the people around us, change must occur. It is left for the individual to change positively or negatively.

Growing physically, emotionally and mentally can be hard as it takes conscious investment of time, money etc. There are many people who would love to change the way they live, exercise more, lose weight, read more, be more ambitious and effecient at work but what we don’t know is change can be hard and  will always meet a resistance. Take for example when trying to start a healthy lifestyle practice like exercising, your body resist this new change, you feel pain and aches in your joints and muscles. If you persist despite the pain in one to two weeks depending on your body you get accustomed to the pain or you don’t feel it at all.

ENTREPRENEURSHIP

download
entrepreneurcoach.com

In pursuing goals in entrepreneurship you need to take some risk, step out and try some new things. Taking risk doesn’t necessarily have to involve billions of dollars rather it’s about stepping out in courage and seeing opportunities where others see road blocks.

I once started a business in my environment though it seemed at first that the possible market for the product was non-existent .I went ahead and started the business with fingers crossed and money that I had invested at stake, I started telling people about the product and to my amazement to response was   incredible and I made a lot of profit from that venture till date the product is still in high demand.

Being an entrepreneur takes faith in yourself and what you believe in. During the time I encountered several challenges like people who didn’t like the product, critics who felt the business would flop.

Here are:

8 WAYS TO CONSISTENTLY RENEW YOUR MIND

  1. Write down your beliefs on a board or a journal, it is said that writing goals and ambitions down makes you more likely to work towards them.
  2. Whenever you meet a resistance, always go back to you board or journal.
  3. Do not accept defeat easily, persistence is key.
  4. Attitude is everything. Your attitude towards the events that occur in your life matter more than you think. A positive attitude can change the outcome of a bad event.
  5. Surround yourself with people who believe in the same things as you e.g. In trying to be better at saving money surrounding yourself with people who are prudent about spending money and who you are accounted to, it will keep you grounded.
  6. Expect that there will be down days and there will be days of victory
  7. Don’t put pressure on yourself, in whatever you do move at your own pace (except when there is a deadline)
  8. Re-evaluate your goals and ambitions from time to time, this allows you to see how well you are doing and where you need to make adjustments.

The mind is a very powerful tool, as much as possible discipline yourself to think only positive thoughts.

Follow me on

Twitter: @bennyini

True Satisfaction: How to get all your needs met.

.

Life is full of many treasures and acquiring them has always been man’s goal, the main reason why we pursue these treasures (cars, houses, relationships etc) is because they come with promises of making us happy. But do they really make us happy?

 

Take delight in the lord and he will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4

Some of us might have experienced situations where everything is great in our lives our bills are paid, we have food to eat, good clothes to wear. we probably just acquired something we have always wanted but for a split moment we realize that we feel empty and it’s like there is a huge hole in our hearts that needs filling and most of us  go out of our way to get things and people to feel that vacuum. 

For single guys or ladies they may decide that the vacuum is caused by a lack of an intimate relationship in their lives and hence you hear statements like I feel incomplete, but before long they find out that people and things can never complete us only God can.

 

 Come everyone who thirsts, come to the water; and he who has no money, come, buy and  eat! Come; buy wine and milk without money and without price. Isaiah 55:1

Remember the Samaritan woman who had been married five times and was co-habiting with a man, what exactly was she looking for? Take a good guess, fulfillment! She was looking for something no human, man or woman could give her and that’s why Jesus offered her living water so that she would thirst no more. Jesus recognized her need, she was thirsty for completion and satisfaction and Jesus offered it to her.

My victory and honor from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.       Psalm 62:7

Achievements are great but they don’t give everlasting satisfaction, many times I have found myself striving to get a lot of things a new phone, dress , top grades and when I do get these things am happy for a while and then I discover that something else is bothering me and tries to steal my happiness. But my happiest moment have been at times where I have great fellowship with God such that no matter what is happening in my life I have peace within me because I no God is my source and that his love for me never fails.

But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.  John 4:14

And that how the cookie crumbles people, nothing can give you everlasting happiness, only God can fill that large vacuum in our lives because it’s so big you need something greater than the vacuum to fill it.

 

 

 

How Pain Helps Us Evolve

“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.james1:2”

Pain is an excruciating feeling, there are different kinds of pain, the pain of watching a loved one battle with a chronic illness like cancer, the pain of failing after trying so hard, the pain of a break up or divorce. Some events carry more pain than others; pain has the ability to put the human spirit down but in the end if we can overcome them we come out victorious.

Watching an episode of one of my favorite TV series the Big Bang Theory one of the series character Sheldon cooper made an insightful statement “pain is evolutionary. Many people would testify that pain teaches us more things than we can hope for; people have risen from failure, poverty and all kinds of pain to become better people. Remember suffering also builds character

Like a little child learning what is good and bad, pain teaches even the immature what to avoid, imagine a child that touches a hot object and withdraws from the pain the child learns to not touch such object in future. Humans as a race have used disease outbreaks, famine and natural disasters to improve the choices they make and protect themselves from such disasters.

Even the bible teaches us to rejoice even in pain,

“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.james1:2”
SIX WAYS PAIN HELPS PEOPLE EVOLVE

 

1) We have seen many artist perform better when they feel hurt, Taylor swift sings better songs each time she is heartbroken, same goes for Adele and many other successful artist

2) ln business adversity helps you become a better entrepreneur, you learn what risks to take and which ones to avoid.

3) In relationships no matter how painful breakups might be they tell us what we are doing wrong and how to adjust ourselves to become better partners.

4) In academics, failing a course can be devastating but if you stay strong and focused you would discover your areas of weakness and use it to improve yourself.

5) In personal growth, pain and suffering helps you become more aware of yourself and your environment.

6) In sports, athletics or anything worth pursuing in life the pain of failure and rejection has helped people realign their purpose and what matters most to them.

Pain is only useful as a tool towards success and personal development when it is channeled into positive energy but pain also has negative outcomes such as alcohol abuse, depression and anger. Life should be pleasing and full of joy but sometimes we face pain, sadness and rejection, what we chose to do with these feelings is what matters the most.

Stay blessed.

​I WAS MADE FOR MORE!

For I know the thoughts I think towards you, thoughts of good and peace, not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11

I was made for more.

I   was made for more than acquiring luxury.

I was made for more than marriage.

I was made for more than obtaining degrees.

I was made for an assignment.

The creature earnestly awaits my manifestation.

I am a letter sent from heaven.

The world is eager to read me.

I will not be a closed, hidden letter.

I shall be read on the hills.

I shall illuminate my world.

I was made for a greater purpose.

I was made for more.

7 Things I learnt from Being in a Relationship ( 1 minute read)

 

Being single can bring feelings of loneliness at times, but ever you ever considered that you could be in a relationship and still experience loneliness, I didn’t consider this until I experienced it. Over the years I have always shied away from being in a relationship. I was always afraid that it might not work out, am waiting for God’s perfect will for my life etc. The truth is I was afraid of disappointment and feelings of failure if the relationship didn’t work out.

 

So in other to prepare for a relationship and marriage, I had armed myself with countless literature about relationship from numerous authors, listened to numerous teachings on the subject. So when I finally said yes to a relationship I felt prepared to handle anything that came my way, but boy was I surprised at what I discovered?

 

1). Relationship books can serve as guiding systems but they don’t answer all relationship questions.

 

2). Relationships do not cure all forms of loneliness; you have to sort that yourself.

 

3). No matter how knowledgeable you are in the area of relationship you will still have lapses you have to work on.

Continue reading “7 Things I learnt from Being in a Relationship ( 1 minute read)”

Five Ways Comparison Can Ruin Your Life.

cop

 

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare everybody will respect you”  Lao Tzu

 

 

Comparison is a huge word these days, it is a killer of self-esteem and a doorway to depression here are five ways comparison can ruin your life.

 

quotes2

 

(1) Comparison can ruin your self-esteem

Usually when people are comparing themselves with others they usually make unfair comparisons, take for example when you feel bad because the girl or guy next door is better looking than you are, you forget that genetic makeup makes a person.  The fact that he or she  better looking than you doesn’t make you less desirable or less attractive it just means you should find what suits you in terms of clothes, hairdo etc. Wear a positive self-esteem and you would be just as attractive as the guy or girl next door. Many models have dropped out of modelling agencies, became addicted to drugs and alcohol because they couldn’t deal with the fact that another girl or girls could be more good looking than they are. Comparison makes you focus on being an exact copy of another individual instead of being a better version of yourself.

 

 

“Comparison is the death of joy”   Mark Twain

(2) Comparison is a joy killer

Unfair comparison is a joy killer a lot of people are in metal clinics because they compare themselves unrealistically with others, some go as far as comparing themselves with celebrities which is really unfair to themselves. If you open most social media pages especially a social media page like Instagram you would be depressed if you don’t have a positive self-esteem. There are flashy lifestyles being displayed on social media pages and you would be astonished at how many of them are unreal and staged. Aside social media, on a daily basis we see some of our friends and co-workers living expensive lifestyles and you are wondering where did I get it wrong, how come I don’t have as much money or drive the expensive cars these people drive. The truth is not all that glitters is gold this isn’t about hating or being envious, not everyone around you does legitimate businesses and even if they did, you should only be spurred to work harder by their success not sitting in one corner brooding over how everybody seems to have a better life than you do. 

 

wki
photo credit: wikihow.com

 (3) Comparison is a body changer

Now unfair comparison in this area has led some people to the cosmetic surgeon’s table and we all know the after effects of plastic surgery if the cosmetic surgeon gets the procedure wrong, you come out with worse looking features than your original features. Let’s talk about light skin for a bit, you know how people feel light skinned individuals are more attractive, some individuals have taken it upon themselves to play God with their skin color. They apply numerous cosmetic products that promise to lighten up their completion, personally I have seen this go south ways on many individuals who tried to change their completion by bleaching. Aside having skin burns and discoloration there is also cancer of the skin to consider.

 

 

(4) Comparison is a destiny changer

So people aren’t so confident of their decisions in life, comparison can lead to feelings of envy which then leads to doing whatever you think the other individual is doing. People get this from wanting to be like their friends, colleagues, classmates who is seemly better than them. If the a friend decides to enroll in a particular school they are off to apply for that same school. Has it ever occurred to you that we were all created to walk different paths some people’s path might seem more rewarding at the moment but if you are patient enough you would find out that yours is equaling rewarding and most importantly fulfilling because it was meant for you.

 

 

(5) Comparison gives the green Monster an open invite to your house.

My personal experience with comparison, early hours of one beautiful morning I woke up and checked my phone as usual, I had notifications from almost all my social media pages so I opened Instagram, scrolling through pictures and videos I came across a video of a classmate that had just gotten married. Sincerely that video was on point, you know how they shoot such videos they showed the bride, her dress, her shoes, how she was being made up, suddenly I didn’t feel so good this was not the first of such videos  I will be seeing on social media pages but for some reason this particularly video got to me. I wasn’t jealous of the bride but I just felt like all my mates had married except me which was totally untrue but thoughts just kept running through my head. To cut the long story short I was saved by words of wisdom from the various motivational speakers and Christian leaders I listen to. Your joy should not come from how well your life is in comparison to others but what God is saying and has said about you. You must always believe you are on the right tract irrespective of setbacks.

You are a unique individual with God given potentials focus more on improving yourself on a daily basis and less at what those around you are achieving.

 

better you
photo credit: spartagenxt.org

 

How to stop comparing yourself to others

  • Be content and grateful with whatever you have right now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work hard to have a good life.
  • Focus on your positive traits and talents.
  • Learn to be happy when good things happen to others.
  • Be self-aware; know what is right for you.
  • Most importantly love yourself.

 

​THE 48 LAWS OF POWER (Book Review)

 

Power has always been one of the most craved commodities throughout history from the cave man to the screen swiping man. Time has not depleted man’s thirst for power. Robert Greene the author of the book  “The 48 Laws of Power” doesn’t just give us a peek into the minds of some of the most powerful people in history, he is generous and explicit about the workings of  the canny , intelligent, ruthless and crafty minds of this  great men  and women . The book has a rich cultural diversity as the author regales the reader with stories from different parts of the world.

Sincerely when I first saw the book the title alone put me off, it sounded like a book for power crazy people who only seek to control and manipulate others. But soon enough my perspective changed and I decided it would be good to equip myself with this knowledge. Human behavior is complex and sometimes unpredictable; as I read the book I began to understand the behavior of those around me in relation to power and manipulation and most importantly the motives behind those behaviors.

People who need to read this book

EVERYONE

People in politics, Civil servants, Corporate executives, Entrepreneurs, Anyone in people service (Nurses, sales men etc), Religious leaders.

EXCERPTS FROM THE BOOK

LAW 1: “NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTER”

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite that is inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

LAW 4: “ALWAYS SAY LESS THAN NECESSARY”

When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say the more common you appear and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it would seem more original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

CAUTION

Be mindful how you use the information in this book, it’s quite unfortunate that good folks might be skeptical about the book and not read it. I beg you! open your mind and equip yourself while still holding on to your core values, use it as a defense because while you ignore books like the 48 laws of power, someone out there is not only reading The 48 Laws of Power but also developing strategies to outwit and outsmart you.

Please leave a comment

Follow me

Twitter: @bennyini