Confrontation, The Who & How ?

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Arguments have been a vivid part of humanity since the beginning of the world. Dispute is a common thing among individuals, families, countries etc. This post is not going talk about wars, and using nuclear devices as a form of making a point to an opposition. It’s about how to get along with the people in our lives.

For most introverted people confrontation can be a nightmare, they believe that confronting people puts them in a bad position and makes them look stupid or weak as they might not win the debate or argument.

Here is a list of five people you should not be afraid to confront, when the need arises

THE BULLY

Even bullies have been bullied at one time or the other, the thing with bullies is that, these are people who intentionally want you to be afraid of them, some of them might get physical and hit you (you should tell someone or an authority if someone abuses you physically) but the key to overcoming a bully is to confront them despite the fact that they might be bigger or more vocal than you. If you cower when they maltreat you it only makes it worse. If you need help overcoming a bully, get help irrespective of what people around you are saying.

Having attended a boarding school I have seen bullying in different forms anybody can be a bully you classmate, seniors even a teacher can be a bully. Back in school we had a tradition that if a senior student bullies you and you report to any school authority it means you were weak, well guess what? A senior tried to make my life miserable in school at first I wouldn’t report because I didn’t want to look weak but with the encouragement of my friends I spoke up and reported to my hostel mistress and the senior was called to order, of course several people mocked me but  I had peace of mind and was able to face my education. Whether you are a house wife facing domestic violence or a student being beaten up in school, no one has the right to turn you into a punching bag. You need to speak up.

THE OVERBEARING PARENT

As an individual your parents are one of the most respected people in your life but your desire not to offend them might be ruining yours. Some parents want to dictate every single move of their offspring’s life, now this is for people who are over 18 once you clock the legal age parents should reduce their grip on the reins of parenthood and allow their children make decisions for themselves. It is not easy to openly say no to your parents especially if you come from a traditional African home without fear of being disowned by them. But at some point you need to establish some boundaries.

If a country thinks an individual is old enough to vote a president into office, then parents should be able to allow their children make their own choices, a man at thirty should not be having sleepless nights over who he wants to marry because his parents object to it, if they feel his choice is not good enough they should make their objections known and if he still insist on marrying the person they should let him be.  If as a husband your mother comes to your house and critics virtually everything your wife does, you need to confront her and let her know she is crossing a boundary. Fathers could be overbearing too especially a father-in-law who probably feels no one is good enough for his baby girl.

The Friend

We all have that friend we admire a lot, for most introverts they tend to tiptoe around their friends, they cannot tell their friends the truth because they are afraid they might hurt their friend’s feelings and if offended they do not speak out. The thing with friendship is that even if you are friends with the perfect human being (shares the same interest as you, believes in the same things as you) at some point you would disagree on something, this is just basic humanity. If a friend does something that hurts your feelings you need to tell them and if they are the defensive type confront them and make a stand. If someone truly wants to be your friend irrespective of what you say to them as far as your intentions are good they will remain friends with you.

 

THE INTIMIDATING BOSS

If your boss is an egotistic, happiness sucking individual, possibly a sociopath, one who derives pleasure in seeing you suffer. Be it sexual harassment or verbal abuse if your boss maltreats you, you need to speak up. In the end if they are not irrational individuals they will have great respect for you because they know you are not a push over. The downside of it is that you might need to get a new job.

 

THE NAGGING WIFE OR HUSBAND

Pain is an evolutionary tool, it teaches us what to avoid in order to  be safe and improve ourselves, in intimate relationships pain that comes with having arguments (not at all times) is necessary as it teaches us what our partner does not like and helps us make adjustments to meet their needs.  But some people are in parasitic relationships where they have no voice the husband or wife is alpha and omega, does no wrong and takes offence a lot. Well if you are in such a relationship instead of keeping silent, speak up and tell your partner how you feel, if you don’t ,you will feel miserable and possibly be depressed.

Steps to successfully confront someone

  • Emotions are very powerfully especially anger, before confronting someone evaluate what you are feeling at that moment.
  • If you are angry, allow your anger to subside before you confront the person. This gives you a clear logical mindset to evaluate your reaction and the person’s reaction to you.
  • Decide on the things you want to say and how you will say it.
  • Remember confrontation is not about putting the other person down or insulting the other person. So choice your words deliberately and wisely.
  • Bear in mind that the person you are confronting might get defensive, so be prepared to stand your ground.

 

Confrontations helps to create healthy boundaries in relationships and it improves your decision making abilities because you can stand up for your-self and others around you.

Some of the greatest heroes in the world had to confront people who unfairly treated others not through violence but through dialogue and in most cases they won.

 

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SIX WAYS TO OVERCOME LAZINESS

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Laziness for most people is a serious problem, everyone wants to be a high achiever but are you really willing to pay the price for success, are you willing to do the time required to achieve excellence in whatever field you are in

“Luck is always the last refuge of laziness and incompetence.”  James Cash Penney

I know some people get lucky and win lotto’s or get a big break despite the fact that they are not driven people or hard workers but if those people are not careful they hardly maintain their success.

“There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right living.” David Starr Jordan

Having dreams and talking about them is not enough to be successful, you have got to walk the talk if you want to see results.

But what does it really take to be lazy; here is my checklist for being lazy.

  • Sleeps a lot.
  • Procrastinates a lot.
  • Easily discouraged.
  • Lacks motivation and drive.
  • Buys new clothes instead of washing dirty clothes.
  • Buys take out instead of cooking a healthy meal.
  • Your idea of cleaning your apartment is throwing out everything.
  • Imagining yourself exercising instead of actually doing it.
  • Hardly meets deadlines (for assignments, projects, Bills etc.)

 

Sometimes we might just be lazy about things that do not interest us like doing your laundry, cooking, working out.

Effects of laziness

  • Under-achievement (personal or professional)

“We often miss opportunity because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas A. Edison

If you are lazy about work or your personal growth, chances are that you would end up at the bottom of the food chain. It takes conscious effort and commitment to make progress in any field in life, even if you sell vegetables in the market, you can become a successful vegetable seller by being committed to your trade, customers and yourself. Always aim to be relevant and of value wherever you find yourself.

 

  • Obesity

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”  Paul Terry

Are you lazy about working out, cooking healthy meals, and getting out of bed? I have bad news for you; you are at risk from becoming obese from these unhealthy habits. Working out regularly and being conscious about the kinds of food or drinks you consume could save your life from not only obesity but other non-communicable diseases such as hypertension and diabetics.

  • Depression and self-loathing

       “Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” Anne Frank.

Believe it or not just like alcoholics and drug addicts hate themselves for the way they are, laziness could bring depressive and self- hate characteristics(majorly in cases of extreme laziness).These could result from not doing much with your life, not having drive or motivation to pursue your dreams.

  • Innovation

“I will Always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job, Because he will find an easy way to do it.” Bill Gates

As with every other thing in life there is nothing with disadvantages without at least one advantage. Lazy people have been known to invent thing that make accomplishing tasks much easier.

Here are 6 ways to overcome Laziness

  1. Start: irrespective of how overwhelming your workload, projects or assignment might seem, the first step towards overcoming laziness is to find the courage to start and all other things will fall in place.

 

  1. Do your work in bits: Take your time, spread whatever you need to do so you don’t get discouraged, Take for example if you have a lot of laundry to do, you could divide the clothes into two or three places and do them on separate days.

 

  1. Set Goals: This is extremely helpful, as it will keep you grounded if you are committed to the goals you set. Set goals should come with a time frame for example, A goal to lose 2kg within 2 weeks of exercising, they should also be realistic so you dont wear yourself out.

 

  1. Stay motivated: Don’t give up easily, many people have failed and still became successful in their chosen field, I know its cliché to say life is full of ups and down but really, don’t let one or several disappointments prevent you from pursuing your dreams.

 

  1. Give yourself little rewards: Give your-self rewards for achieving even the smallest task e.g. washing the dishes, meeting the deadline for submission of an assignment etc. This will keep you motivated.

 

  1. Don’t be hard on yourself: In my experience, comparing your-self to others could often bring feelings of laziness. When you realize you are not as good as the next individual at something, you could respond in two ways either by pushing harder to be better or by not even trying at all.

Laziness is like a self-destruct button, as much as possible try to stay motivated and regardless of whatever happens never lose hope just keep moving forward.

Note: Sometimes we could shift into lazy mood when we are burnout or overworked, in this case I believe its ok to lay back and relax.

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