Confrontation, The Who & How ?

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Arguments have been a vivid part of humanity since the beginning of the world. Dispute is a common thing among individuals, families, countries etc. This post is not going talk about wars, and using nuclear devices as a form of making a point to an opposition. It’s about how to get along with the people in our lives.

For most introverted people confrontation can be a nightmare, they believe that confronting people puts them in a bad position and makes them look stupid or weak as they might not win the debate or argument.

Here is a list of five people you should not be afraid to confront, when the need arises

THE BULLY

Even bullies have been bullied at one time or the other, the thing with bullies is that, these are people who intentionally want you to be afraid of them, some of them might get physical and hit you (you should tell someone or an authority if someone abuses you physically) but the key to overcoming a bully is to confront them despite the fact that they might be bigger or more vocal than you. If you cower when they maltreat you it only makes it worse. If you need help overcoming a bully, get help irrespective of what people around you are saying.

Having attended a boarding school I have seen bullying in different forms anybody can be a bully you classmate, seniors even a teacher can be a bully. Back in school we had a tradition that if a senior student bullies you and you report to any school authority it means you were weak, well guess what? A senior tried to make my life miserable in school at first I wouldn’t report because I didn’t want to look weak but with the encouragement of my friends I spoke up and reported to my hostel mistress and the senior was called to order, of course several people mocked me but  I had peace of mind and was able to face my education. Whether you are a house wife facing domestic violence or a student being beaten up in school, no one has the right to turn you into a punching bag. You need to speak up.

THE OVERBEARING PARENT

As an individual your parents are one of the most respected people in your life but your desire not to offend them might be ruining yours. Some parents want to dictate every single move of their offspring’s life, now this is for people who are over 18 once you clock the legal age parents should reduce their grip on the reins of parenthood and allow their children make decisions for themselves. It is not easy to openly say no to your parents especially if you come from a traditional African home without fear of being disowned by them. But at some point you need to establish some boundaries.

If a country thinks an individual is old enough to vote a president into office, then parents should be able to allow their children make their own choices, a man at thirty should not be having sleepless nights over who he wants to marry because his parents object to it, if they feel his choice is not good enough they should make their objections known and if he still insist on marrying the person they should let him be.  If as a husband your mother comes to your house and critics virtually everything your wife does, you need to confront her and let her know she is crossing a boundary. Fathers could be overbearing too especially a father-in-law who probably feels no one is good enough for his baby girl.

The Friend

We all have that friend we admire a lot, for most introverts they tend to tiptoe around their friends, they cannot tell their friends the truth because they are afraid they might hurt their friend’s feelings and if offended they do not speak out. The thing with friendship is that even if you are friends with the perfect human being (shares the same interest as you, believes in the same things as you) at some point you would disagree on something, this is just basic humanity. If a friend does something that hurts your feelings you need to tell them and if they are the defensive type confront them and make a stand. If someone truly wants to be your friend irrespective of what you say to them as far as your intentions are good they will remain friends with you.

 

THE INTIMIDATING BOSS

If your boss is an egotistic, happiness sucking individual, possibly a sociopath, one who derives pleasure in seeing you suffer. Be it sexual harassment or verbal abuse if your boss maltreats you, you need to speak up. In the end if they are not irrational individuals they will have great respect for you because they know you are not a push over. The downside of it is that you might need to get a new job.

 

THE NAGGING WIFE OR HUSBAND

Pain is an evolutionary tool, it teaches us what to avoid in order to  be safe and improve ourselves, in intimate relationships pain that comes with having arguments (not at all times) is necessary as it teaches us what our partner does not like and helps us make adjustments to meet their needs.  But some people are in parasitic relationships where they have no voice the husband or wife is alpha and omega, does no wrong and takes offence a lot. Well if you are in such a relationship instead of keeping silent, speak up and tell your partner how you feel, if you don’t ,you will feel miserable and possibly be depressed.

Steps to successfully confront someone

  • Emotions are very powerfully especially anger, before confronting someone evaluate what you are feeling at that moment.
  • If you are angry, allow your anger to subside before you confront the person. This gives you a clear logical mindset to evaluate your reaction and the person’s reaction to you.
  • Decide on the things you want to say and how you will say it.
  • Remember confrontation is not about putting the other person down or insulting the other person. So choice your words deliberately and wisely.
  • Bear in mind that the person you are confronting might get defensive, so be prepared to stand your ground.

 

Confrontations helps to create healthy boundaries in relationships and it improves your decision making abilities because you can stand up for your-self and others around you.

Some of the greatest heroes in the world had to confront people who unfairly treated others not through violence but through dialogue and in most cases they won.

 

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SIX WAYS TO OVERCOME LAZINESS

Meme-If-There-Was-An-Award-For-Laziness
minion Quotes

 

Laziness for most people is a serious problem, everyone wants to be a high achiever but are you really willing to pay the price for success, are you willing to do the time required to achieve excellence in whatever field you are in

“Luck is always the last refuge of laziness and incompetence.”  James Cash Penney

I know some people get lucky and win lotto’s or get a big break despite the fact that they are not driven people or hard workers but if those people are not careful they hardly maintain their success.

“There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right living.” David Starr Jordan

Having dreams and talking about them is not enough to be successful, you have got to walk the talk if you want to see results.

But what does it really take to be lazy; here is my checklist for being lazy.

  • Sleeps a lot.
  • Procrastinates a lot.
  • Easily discouraged.
  • Lacks motivation and drive.
  • Buys new clothes instead of washing dirty clothes.
  • Buys take out instead of cooking a healthy meal.
  • Your idea of cleaning your apartment is throwing out everything.
  • Imagining yourself exercising instead of actually doing it.
  • Hardly meets deadlines (for assignments, projects, Bills etc.)

 

Sometimes we might just be lazy about things that do not interest us like doing your laundry, cooking, working out.

Effects of laziness

  • Under-achievement (personal or professional)

“We often miss opportunity because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Thomas A. Edison

If you are lazy about work or your personal growth, chances are that you would end up at the bottom of the food chain. It takes conscious effort and commitment to make progress in any field in life, even if you sell vegetables in the market, you can become a successful vegetable seller by being committed to your trade, customers and yourself. Always aim to be relevant and of value wherever you find yourself.

 

  • Obesity

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”  Paul Terry

Are you lazy about working out, cooking healthy meals, and getting out of bed? I have bad news for you; you are at risk from becoming obese from these unhealthy habits. Working out regularly and being conscious about the kinds of food or drinks you consume could save your life from not only obesity but other non-communicable diseases such as hypertension and diabetics.

  • Depression and self-loathing

       “Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.” Anne Frank.

Believe it or not just like alcoholics and drug addicts hate themselves for the way they are, laziness could bring depressive and self- hate characteristics(majorly in cases of extreme laziness).These could result from not doing much with your life, not having drive or motivation to pursue your dreams.

  • Innovation

“I will Always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job, Because he will find an easy way to do it.” Bill Gates

As with every other thing in life there is nothing with disadvantages without at least one advantage. Lazy people have been known to invent thing that make accomplishing tasks much easier.

Here are 6 ways to overcome Laziness

  1. Start: irrespective of how overwhelming your workload, projects or assignment might seem, the first step towards overcoming laziness is to find the courage to start and all other things will fall in place.

 

  1. Do your work in bits: Take your time, spread whatever you need to do so you don’t get discouraged, Take for example if you have a lot of laundry to do, you could divide the clothes into two or three places and do them on separate days.

 

  1. Set Goals: This is extremely helpful, as it will keep you grounded if you are committed to the goals you set. Set goals should come with a time frame for example, A goal to lose 2kg within 2 weeks of exercising, they should also be realistic so you dont wear yourself out.

 

  1. Stay motivated: Don’t give up easily, many people have failed and still became successful in their chosen field, I know its cliché to say life is full of ups and down but really, don’t let one or several disappointments prevent you from pursuing your dreams.

 

  1. Give yourself little rewards: Give your-self rewards for achieving even the smallest task e.g. washing the dishes, meeting the deadline for submission of an assignment etc. This will keep you motivated.

 

  1. Don’t be hard on yourself: In my experience, comparing your-self to others could often bring feelings of laziness. When you realize you are not as good as the next individual at something, you could respond in two ways either by pushing harder to be better or by not even trying at all.

Laziness is like a self-destruct button, as much as possible try to stay motivated and regardless of whatever happens never lose hope just keep moving forward.

Note: Sometimes we could shift into lazy mood when we are burnout or overworked, in this case I believe its ok to lay back and relax.

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10 Bible Scriptures to Securing Your Future

Scared of the future? You are not alone, many people wonder what the future has in store for them even if they have a ten year plan drafted about their lives they know very well that this plans can go array leaving them devastated and sometimes unable to move forward. But as Christians we are called to live a life of faith. Here are 10 scriptures to secure your future in Christ.

 

1) Hold on to God’s word; remember perfect love casted out fear (1John4:18):

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. God’s love is so rich that he sacrificed his only son to redeem us , so if you think God will deny you the good things of life, it means God values those things more than his son. Which is absolutely not true, God loves you and will move mountains to make sure you are well taken care of.

 

2) All things work together for the good of them that love God and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)

Irrespective of what is happening in your life, loss of a job, failure or rejection, God can use these events to transform our lives. And because of this knowledge we have the courage to face the future.

 

3) God has not given you the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind and an excellent spirit (2Timothy 1:7):

Fear can paralyze you from moving forward and that is why God implores us to leave fear behind and look to him. There are many scriptures that warn us about this disease called fear. Fear stops you from pursuing your God given purpose, fear of things not working out, fear of losing a loved one, fear of not being pleasing enough etc.

 

4) The thoughts God has towards you are good and not of evil to give you an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11):

God’s word has promised good for his children not bad, even people who are evil know how to give good gifts to their children, how much more your father in heaven who causes the rain and sun to pour and shine on the good and evil. The point is God has you covered.

 

5) Those who are led by God are called the sons of God ( Romans 8:14 ) :

Following God’s will for your life is very key to securing the future, there is a way known to man that leads to destruction. But God’s way leads to peace and life.

 

6) The just shall live by Faith (Habakkuk 2:4) :

Remember Abraham the guy who was counted righteous because he had faith in God, for without faith it is impossible to please God. As Christians we should live life trusting God on a daily basis to lead us to the right job, spouse, school etc. Once you have this in mind you are more confident about the future because God is your future.

 

7) Your father in heaven who provides for the birds of the air and the grass in the field, how much more you his beloved (Luke 12:22-26):

God provides for the birds of the air and the lilies in the field how much more you his beloved, in the food chain of living things according to God’s word we rank highest, so if God can cater for the smallest and most insignificant creatures, why would he forsake you who is created in his image and likeness.

 

8) You are seated with Christ in heavenly places ( Ephesians 2:6 ) :

If you are seated with Christ in heavenly places above difficulties and troubles in life then it’s going to get better at some point. Plus Christ is our intercessor; he is a high priest who is not unaware of our sufferings because he himself had to go through them.

 

9) You are the light of the world and the salt of the earth ( Matthew 5:3-16 ) :

If you are the light of the world and the salt of the earth surely the lord will uplift you in whatever endeavor you pursue (according to his will for your life). A light cannot be hidden neither salt tasteless.

 

10) Seek first the kingdom of God and every other thing will be added onto you (Matthew 6:33) :

Satisfaction comes from God not from people or material things, worried about your future? Seek God first; your future is in him.

 

These are promises from God’s word and they should be realities in our lives, irrespective of what we are going through. Even though it may seem like the future is bleak God’s word promises a bright future for his children. Look deep into the lives of those who had faith in God e.g. Joseph, Abraham, the Israelites when they were in captivity, David when he was fleeing from Saul. At first it looked like God had forgotten them but in the end he he enriched their lives.

 

N.B: Most of the bible passages in this post are paraphrased. For the full bible verse please refer to any version of the bible.

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THE GUILTY HEART (1 minute read)

Sometimes it is too easy to feel guilty about our shortcomings even in the place of prayer. We wonder whether God still loves us despite the nasty things we do or say. Sometimes our disappointment is with the fact that we expected more from ourselves. Well good news YOU ARE PLEASING TO GOD, Want to know why? It is because Jesus his son who is your intercessor is pleasing to God.

Put Jesus before your sin when you come to the place of prayer.You are sitted with Christ in high places, is Jesus pleasing to God? then you are pleasing to God. Did Jesus cast out demons then you can cast out demons. Did Jesus walk on water then you can walk on water. Did Jesus heal the sick then you can heal the sick.

Always come before God knowing that when he sees you he sees his son and the price he paid for you not your short comings or sins.

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8 Things You Should Know About Olive Oil

(1) IT HAS SEVERAL  HEALTH BENEFITS

According to research on the benefits of olive oil, it contains antioxidants and phytonutrients which can decrease the risk of breast cancer. Olive oil diet also reduces the risk of type 2 diabetes.

(2) IT CONTAINS
Monounsaturated fats and oleic acid which protects the body from many chronic diseases such as stroke and osteoporosis.

(3) IT COULD BE USED FOR HAIR TREATMENT
Ever heard of hot oil treatment, Well this one I have tried myself and it works like a charm, not only does it condition you hair, it also gets rid of dandruff. It could be used to treat dry scalp.

(4) IT COULD BE USED AS A MOISTURIZER
The antioxidant properties of olive oil along with the presence of vitamins A and E helps give the skin a soft smooth appearance. Olive oil especially the extra virgin variant penetrates deep into the skin, providing moisture and protection for the skin.

(5) IT COULD BE USED AS AN EXFOLIANT
Mix extra virgin olive oil and sea salt and you have the perfect exfoliant for your face and skin. It is highly recommended if you have scaly, dry skin.

(6) IT COULD BE USED AS EYE MAKEUP REMOVER
I can personally testify that olive oil is the best when it comes to removing eye makeup, its gentle on the skin and you don’t have to rub hard on your skin for the makeup to come out. Just dab a little olive oil on cotton wool swab and clean gently, sometimes I use it to remove matte lipstick too.

(7) IT COULD BE USED AS A SKIN PROTECTOR
Although sunscreen remains the best way to prevent sunburn and protect your skin from harmful UVA and UVB rays. Consuming olive oil could help counter the oxidizing effect of the sun. Applying it topically  protects your skin from sunburn.

(8) IT COULD BE USED TO SPICE UP YOUR MEAL
You can add a bit of olive oil to your cooking just to get that special taste, for example when steaming and to make dressings for salads. Olive oil is not recommended for deep frying as the vitamins might get destroyed thus losing its nutritional value. It also has a low smoking point and dries out quickly on heat.

NOTE: The best kind of olive oil is the Extra virgin variant

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Source: http://www.oliveoiltimes.com
http://www.livestrong.com