Being single can bring feelings of loneliness at times, but ever you ever considered that you could be in a relationship and still experience loneliness, I didn’t consider this until I experienced it. Over the years I have always shied away from being in a relationship. I was always afraid that it might not work out, am waiting for God’s perfect will for my life etc. The truth is I was afraid of disappointment and feelings of failure if the relationship didn’t work out.
So in other to prepare for a relationship and marriage, I had armed myself with countless literature about relationship from numerous authors, listened to numerous teachings on the subject. So when I finally said yes to a relationship I felt prepared to handle anything that came my way, but boy was I surprised at what I discovered?
1). Relationship books can serve as guiding systems but they don’t answer all relationship questions.
2). Relationships do not cure all forms of loneliness; you have to sort that yourself.
3). No matter how knowledgeable you are in the area of relationship you will still have lapses you have to work on.
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare everybody will respect you” Lao Tzu
Comparison is a huge word these days, it is a killer of self-esteem and a doorway to depression here are five ways comparison can ruin your life.
(1) Comparison can ruin your self-esteem
Usually when people are comparing themselves with others they usually make unfair comparisons, take for example when you feel bad because the girl or guy next door is better looking than you are, you forget that genetic makeup makes a person. The fact that he or she better looking than you doesn’t make you less desirable or less attractive it just means you should find what suits you in terms of clothes, hairdo etc. Wear a positive self-esteem and you would be just as attractive as the guy or girl next door. Many models have dropped out of modelling agencies, became addicted to drugs and alcohol because they couldn’t deal with the fact that another girl or girls could be more good looking than they are. Comparison makes you focus on being an exact copy of another individual instead of being a better version of yourself.
“Comparison is the death of joy” Mark Twain
(2) Comparison is a joy killer
Unfair comparison is a joy killer a lot of people are in metal clinics because they compare themselves unrealistically with others, some go as far as comparing themselves with celebrities which is really unfair to themselves. If you open most social media pages especially a social media page like Instagram you would be depressed if you don’t have a positive self-esteem. There are flashy lifestyles being displayed on social media pages and you would be astonished at how many of them are unreal and staged. Aside social media, on a daily basis we see some of our friends and co-workers living expensive lifestyles and you are wondering where did I get it wrong, how come I don’t have as much money or drive the expensive cars these people drive. The truth is not all that glitters is gold this isn’t about hating or being envious, not everyone around you does legitimate businesses and even if they did, you should only be spurred to work harder by their success not sitting in one corner brooding over how everybody seems to have a better life than you do.
(3) Comparison is a body changer
Now unfair comparison in this area has led some people to the cosmetic surgeon’s table and we all know the after effects of plastic surgery if the cosmetic surgeon gets the procedure wrong, you come out with worse looking features than your original features. Let’s talk about light skin for a bit, you know how people feel light skinned individuals are more attractive, some individuals have taken it upon themselves to play God with their skin color. They apply numerous cosmetic products that promise to lighten up their completion, personally I have seen this go south ways on many individuals who tried to change their completion by bleaching. Aside having skin burns and discoloration there is also cancer of the skin to consider.
(4) Comparison is a destiny changer
So people aren’t so confident of their decisions in life, comparison can lead to feelings of envy which then leads to doing whatever you think the other individual is doing. People get this from wanting to be like their friends, colleagues, classmates who is seemly better than them. If the a friend decides to enroll in a particular school they are off to apply for that same school. Has it ever occurred to you that we were all created to walk different paths some people’s path might seem more rewarding at the moment but if you are patient enough you would find out that yours is equaling rewarding and most importantly fulfilling because it was meant for you.
(5) Comparison gives the green Monster an open invite to your house.
My personal experience with comparison, early hours of one beautiful morning I woke up and checked my phone as usual, I had notifications from almost all my social media pages so I opened Instagram, scrolling through pictures and videos I came across a video of a classmate that had just gotten married. Sincerely that video was on point, you know how they shoot such videos they showed the bride, her dress, her shoes, how she was being made up, suddenly I didn’t feel so good this was not the first of such videos I will be seeing on social media pages but for some reason this particularly video got to me. I wasn’t jealous of the bride but I just felt like all my mates had married except me which was totally untrue but thoughts just kept running through my head. To cut the long story short I was saved by words of wisdom from the various motivational speakers and Christian leaders I listen to. Your joy should not come from how well your life is in comparison to others but what God is saying and has said about you. You must always believe you are on the right tract irrespective of setbacks.
You are a unique individual with God given potentials focus more on improving yourself on a daily basis and less at what those around you are achieving.
How to stop comparing yourself to others
Be content and grateful with whatever you have right now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t work hard to have a good life.
Focus on your positive traits and talents.
Learn to be happy when good things happen to others.
I used to be a perfectionist always wanting to get everything right, I wanted to be good at anything I was doing, not just being good at it but being the best at it. I wanted to always come top of the class and anything less than that made me depressed, I always push myself to accomplish a lot, little did I know I was making myself unhappy, all that competition made me feel less than I was, inadequate and insecure. Although people praised me for my achievements, I wanted more accomplishments, more praise and approval from people.
A perfectionist wants every aspect of his or her life to be perfect, their relationships have to be perfect hence they find it hard to accept that people have flaws and should be tolerated, being perfect means you want things to come out excellent but you can’t expect this of every individual…