Confrontation, The Who & How ?

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Arguments have been a vivid part of humanity since the beginning of the world. Dispute is a common thing among individuals, families, countries etc. This post is not going talk about wars, and using nuclear devices as a form of making a point to an opposition. It’s about how to get along with the people in our lives.

For most introverted people confrontation can be a nightmare, they believe that confronting people puts them in a bad position and makes them look stupid or weak as they might not win the debate or argument.

Here is a list of five people you should not be afraid to confront, when the need arises

THE BULLY

Even bullies have been bullied at one time or the other, the thing with bullies is that, these are people who intentionally want you to be afraid of them, some of them might get physical and hit you (you should tell someone or an authority if someone abuses you physically) but the key to overcoming a bully is to confront them despite the fact that they might be bigger or more vocal than you. If you cower when they maltreat you it only makes it worse. If you need help overcoming a bully, get help irrespective of what people around you are saying.

Having attended a boarding school I have seen bullying in different forms anybody can be a bully you classmate, seniors even a teacher can be a bully. Back in school we had a tradition that if a senior student bullies you and you report to any school authority it means you were weak, well guess what? A senior tried to make my life miserable in school at first I wouldn’t report because I didn’t want to look weak but with the encouragement of my friends I spoke up and reported to my hostel mistress and the senior was called to order, of course several people mocked me but  I had peace of mind and was able to face my education. Whether you are a house wife facing domestic violence or a student being beaten up in school, no one has the right to turn you into a punching bag. You need to speak up.

THE OVERBEARING PARENT

As an individual your parents are one of the most respected people in your life but your desire not to offend them might be ruining yours. Some parents want to dictate every single move of their offspring’s life, now this is for people who are over 18 once you clock the legal age parents should reduce their grip on the reins of parenthood and allow their children make decisions for themselves. It is not easy to openly say no to your parents especially if you come from a traditional African home without fear of being disowned by them. But at some point you need to establish some boundaries.

If a country thinks an individual is old enough to vote a president into office, then parents should be able to allow their children make their own choices, a man at thirty should not be having sleepless nights over who he wants to marry because his parents object to it, if they feel his choice is not good enough they should make their objections known and if he still insist on marrying the person they should let him be.  If as a husband your mother comes to your house and critics virtually everything your wife does, you need to confront her and let her know she is crossing a boundary. Fathers could be overbearing too especially a father-in-law who probably feels no one is good enough for his baby girl.

The Friend

We all have that friend we admire a lot, for most introverts they tend to tiptoe around their friends, they cannot tell their friends the truth because they are afraid they might hurt their friend’s feelings and if offended they do not speak out. The thing with friendship is that even if you are friends with the perfect human being (shares the same interest as you, believes in the same things as you) at some point you would disagree on something, this is just basic humanity. If a friend does something that hurts your feelings you need to tell them and if they are the defensive type confront them and make a stand. If someone truly wants to be your friend irrespective of what you say to them as far as your intentions are good they will remain friends with you.

 

THE INTIMIDATING BOSS

If your boss is an egotistic, happiness sucking individual, possibly a sociopath, one who derives pleasure in seeing you suffer. Be it sexual harassment or verbal abuse if your boss maltreats you, you need to speak up. In the end if they are not irrational individuals they will have great respect for you because they know you are not a push over. The downside of it is that you might need to get a new job.

 

THE NAGGING WIFE OR HUSBAND

Pain is an evolutionary tool, it teaches us what to avoid in order to  be safe and improve ourselves, in intimate relationships pain that comes with having arguments (not at all times) is necessary as it teaches us what our partner does not like and helps us make adjustments to meet their needs.  But some people are in parasitic relationships where they have no voice the husband or wife is alpha and omega, does no wrong and takes offence a lot. Well if you are in such a relationship instead of keeping silent, speak up and tell your partner how you feel, if you don’t ,you will feel miserable and possibly be depressed.

Steps to successfully confront someone

  • Emotions are very powerfully especially anger, before confronting someone evaluate what you are feeling at that moment.
  • If you are angry, allow your anger to subside before you confront the person. This gives you a clear logical mindset to evaluate your reaction and the person’s reaction to you.
  • Decide on the things you want to say and how you will say it.
  • Remember confrontation is not about putting the other person down or insulting the other person. So choice your words deliberately and wisely.
  • Bear in mind that the person you are confronting might get defensive, so be prepared to stand your ground.

 

Confrontations helps to create healthy boundaries in relationships and it improves your decision making abilities because you can stand up for your-self and others around you.

Some of the greatest heroes in the world had to confront people who unfairly treated others not through violence but through dialogue and in most cases they won.

 

Follow me on:

Twitter: @bennyini

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