I used to be a perfectionist always wanting to get everything right, I wanted to be good at anything I was doing, not just being good at it but being the best at it. I wanted to always come top of the class and anything less than that made me depressed, I always push myself to accomplish a lot, little did I know I was making myself unhappy, all that competition made me feel less than I was, inadequate and insecure. Although people praised me for my achievements, I wanted more accomplishments, more praise and approval from people.
A perfectionist wants every aspect of his or her life to be perfect, their relationships have to be perfect hence they find it hard to accept that people have flaws and should be tolerated, being perfect means you want things to come out excellent but you can’t expect this of every individual around you.
We are supposed to look within us for inspiration and drive towards success and excellence, the moment we look at others who we feel are better than us as the benchmark for success and excellence we begin to take a path of un-fulfillment and unhappiness because whether we like it or not there will always be people who are better than us. There will always be people who are smarter than us. It is good to look up to role models or want to be a better version of our-selves but we must avoid unhealthy competition.
Perfectionists are hard to please so don’t bother trying; your parents might be perfectionist, your pastor, your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend. They only seem to be pleased with you when you do good things any shortcomings from your end turns them off.
Here are the top 5 Traits of a perfectionist
A perfectionist doesn’t compete well, they look at others and set their goals, they are prone to envy because they believe if someone is better than them at something it means the person is a better individual than them and likely to succeed more than them, which is a wrong notion, you should strive to be better but don’t look at other people’s lives as the yard stick for success rather look within yourself and set your goals for success and excellence.
THINKING ALL EYES ARE ON YOU
A perfectionist feels people will disapprove of their behavior if it is not perfect. If they are in public they are self-conscious and take or rehearse anything they are about to say before saying it which could make conversing with them quite boring and unoriginal (not that you shouldn’t think before talking but try to be less impressionable) enjoy talking to people but it should not be taken too seriously unless you are in a formal setting.
You think people are watching your every behavior critiquing and awarding marks to you this is actually an illusion, yes maybe someone stares at you in a public place that doesn’t mean they are sizing you up or judging you maybe they think you are cute or they love what you are wearing either way whether they have positive or negative thoughts towards you, you should not let that get to you. If you think you owe the world a favor by doing things perfectly then you are wrong.
OVERRATING PEOPLE’S OPINION OF WHO YOU ARE
When someone says something about you, you take it personal and become defensive, you value people’s opinion of who you are than your own opinion of yourself, its true we should listen to what people have to say about us for the purpose of growth but we should not build our lives on their opinions as no one knows you better than yourself.
BEING HARD ON YOURSELF
If you find it hard to forgive yourself for saying the wrong things, forgetting to do something important, than you might be a perfectionist you can’t always get everything right, when you make mistakes let go and allow yourself to move forward and heal.
You need to give yourself a break for example you don’t eat well because you want to be in perfect shape, this is wrong you should love yourself no matter what happens begin to appreciate who you are and value yourself.
BEING INTENSE AND UPTIGHT
People find it difficult to be around you as they are afraid if they say the wrong thing you might become angry or depressed, you critique people according to standards you have set for yourself, you are hard to please and rarely forgive others for their flaws or mistakes, and most times you only see the negative aspects of a situation.
You hardly show emotions. Life should be lived in joy and happiness being intense is bad for you, your health and those around you. Whether you are a parent, employer, teacher, spouse or friend being a perfectionist puts the people around you under pressure and they carry a burden of wanting to meet your expectations around.
NB: There are upsides to being a perfectionist some of the greatest artist in history were perfectionist creating flawless art works and inventions, they cover minute details and make sure that their work is perfect. They always go for the best or nothing else, they drill people until they get the best out of them.
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